seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
