to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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