I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My ass is underappreciated
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
