Screwed.edu
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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