The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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