How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
