can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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