I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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