so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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