I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
