I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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