3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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