Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
