I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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