so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
