Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
