I think im going to throw up on grandma
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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