Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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