you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it's like iHOP with fire
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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