I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
