Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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