I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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