oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
