I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
