Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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