you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
