Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
