omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
