How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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