White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
love makes seman taste better
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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