So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
