I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
