Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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