I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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