I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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