so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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