those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can I color on your dick again?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
