What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
