id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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