I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
