How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
