Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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