in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
