this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
