I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
