This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
