Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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