do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
