its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
