We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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