Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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