The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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