So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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