I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
