dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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