Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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