what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
