your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
