You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
