flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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