I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
