Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
