I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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