pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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