I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
