that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
