I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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