I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
