I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
