Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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